hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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