there's paper in my vomit.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
