Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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