Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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