i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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