I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My day in three words: secret purse cake
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
