Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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