the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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