I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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