When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
