Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
