Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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