David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
