PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
