Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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