he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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