she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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