Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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