my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
