Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
