Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
