the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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