Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
