Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
