My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize