I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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