Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
