so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
