Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
