I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
