What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
