Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You made out with two different species that night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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