Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
