so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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