So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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