If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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