WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
