Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
