her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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