i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
