Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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