the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
