can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
