How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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