This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
