If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The air taste purple.
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