The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
