Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
