so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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