i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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