He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
