you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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