y did u give ur computer a hand job?
how can u be prego again
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
