Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
