No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
