So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
