Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
