he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Are my feet made of real feet?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
