mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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