This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
