please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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