I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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