Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
