Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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