Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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