The maid of honor just puked.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
