Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
