You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
