**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You made out with two different species that night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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