I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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