my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
