i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
