my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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