my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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