Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she told me i tasted like america
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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