This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
