just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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