He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
