i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This house was built for laser tag.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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